Now we're in single digit weeks before Baby Boy arrives and I'm starting to get anxious. Big surprise, right? Me, anxious? :)
I'm not worried about being prepared. I have diapers, wipes, some clothes, gear. We have everything we need to bring our baby home.
I'm not worried about nursing. Been there, done that-- for 16 months.
I'm not worried about the birth as it's already been scheduled. Yes, I'm one of those awful mothers who didn't even seriously consider a VBAC. I don't personally need that experience to feel like a mother, like a real woman. After discussing the options with my doctor, we decided that another c-section would be in everyone's best interest. With Goose, after my water breaking on its own and being 3 cm when we arrived at the hospital, I failed to progress after a 23 hour labor and tons of pitocin. I cannot do that again. CANNOT. I wouldn't wish a labor like that on anyone. I had a hard time bonding with Goose after all of that, and I can't help but think that it maybe played a part in her hip dysplasia.
I'm not worried about his growth. I'm huge, he's huge. He'll be a big, healthy baby like his sister. He moves constantly to let me know he's okay in there.
What am I worried about? I'm worried about being a mother to two kids. Two little kids. All day long. Alone. How will I do it? How will I handle Goose's toddler tantrums and strong will, and Baby Boy's newborn screaming fits and explosive diapers? If I think about all the different scenarios, it becomes overwhelming. I'm not even thinking about how I will take them both somewhere alone. ACK!
I know people do it, every day, and with fewer resources than are available to me, but it's no less daunting to think about. I know I can do it. If I can manage J-bird having surgery twice in the past two years, first when Goose was only 3 weeks old and again when I was several months pregnant with Baby Boy, I can take care of two kids.
I can do it.
Right?
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I play out the fears in my head every day -- have since the day S was born. I know I'll miss out on some of the things I enjoy doing with just him now, but I also know that when he starts preschool, I can do those with Baby 2 and get that special one-on-one time then.
ReplyDeleteI keep telling myself that mothering 2 is just like mothering one in that "you do what you have to do" to survive and get through each day. You all learn as you go and do it together.
You can do it! We'd love to send you a delivery meal sometime after he's born since we aren't local to bring something by.
Thinking of you!
Its totally doable! I'm having the same thoughts about 3. It all works out and the amount of love Baby Boy will be bringing to your home is so worth it. Sometimes you have to let one cry a little longer, but it all works out in the end. And everyday gets easier. :)
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