Now we're in single digit weeks before Baby Boy arrives and I'm starting to get anxious. Big surprise, right? Me, anxious? :)
I'm not worried about being prepared. I have diapers, wipes, some clothes, gear. We have everything we need to bring our baby home.
I'm not worried about nursing. Been there, done that-- for 16 months.
I'm not worried about the birth as it's already been scheduled. Yes, I'm one of those awful mothers who didn't even seriously consider a VBAC. I don't personally need that experience to feel like a mother, like a real woman. After discussing the options with my doctor, we decided that another c-section would be in everyone's best interest. With Goose, after my water breaking on its own and being 3 cm when we arrived at the hospital, I failed to progress after a 23 hour labor and tons of pitocin. I cannot do that again. CANNOT. I wouldn't wish a labor like that on anyone. I had a hard time bonding with Goose after all of that, and I can't help but think that it maybe played a part in her hip dysplasia.
I'm not worried about his growth. I'm huge, he's huge. He'll be a big, healthy baby like his sister. He moves constantly to let me know he's okay in there.
What am I worried about? I'm worried about being a mother to two kids. Two little kids. All day long. Alone. How will I do it? How will I handle Goose's toddler tantrums and strong will, and Baby Boy's newborn screaming fits and explosive diapers? If I think about all the different scenarios, it becomes overwhelming. I'm not even thinking about how I will take them both somewhere alone. ACK!
I know people do it, every day, and with fewer resources than are available to me, but it's no less daunting to think about. I know I can do it. If I can manage J-bird having surgery twice in the past two years, first when Goose was only 3 weeks old and again when I was several months pregnant with Baby Boy, I can take care of two kids.
I can do it.