|photo courtesy of Breibeest|
I'm over halfway to baby and I'm just now feeling pregnant. I'm just now letting myself be pregnant. I'm just now believing that we're adding another person to our family. Even though I've been showing for weeks now (I tend to show early), I've been hiding out so I don't have to say, "Yes, I'm pregnant, due this fall." I didn't want to jinx it. I still don't.
I'm still nervous, and it's sad that I can't enjoy this pregnancy with the naivete that I had when I was pregnant with Goose. Even though he looks healthy from the scan and I feel him move all day (and night), I still hesitate to buy baby boy clothes or really work on converting the nursery to a boy room for fear that something will happen and we won't be bringing home a healthy baby after all.
I could worry myself sick day and night thinking of all the things that could happen to our baby boy, or to me. I have to choose not to do that, not to go there. I have to have a little faith that we won't be given more than we can handle. I have to believe that we'll experience another healthy and happy miracle this fall, and our family will grow to four strong.
I'm having a baby. It's a boy.